stillibreathe

10 Coping Strategies for Living Without Closure

Live what is true for you, while honoring others’ experiences.
Direct feelings into action via focused physical release.
Express thoughts through writing/journaling.
Notice patterns in reactions; acknowledge and accept triggers.
Accept and embrace all of who you are.
Find and read a daily quote of inspiration.
Reframe: your reality, the story and your response.
Practice breathing deeply and slowly.
Allow for progressing forward and falling backward.
Act from your heart without dependence on the outcome.

Hi, I'm Lori Grande

When The First 48’s filming of my brother’s (William F. Fenzau) homicide investigation resulted in a botched case and all charges dropped on the suspect, I became the driving force behind the continued investigation by the City of Miami Police and the Miami-Dade State Attorney’s Office. I jumped between the roles of mother, teacher and sleuth. My life depended upon getting the case to trial until my life depended upon finding a way to live in peace.

In the retelling of the Native American Legend, The Story of Jumping Mouse, by John Steptoe, a young mouse faces an onslaught of obstacles, sacrifices parts of himself to others, and laments that he is not the same mouse from when his journey began. As I pursued the investigation into my brother's murder, I was comforted while reading this book to kindergarteners at snack time. Each time Jumping Mouse lost another part of himself, he found courage by repeating the phrase, "there will be a way." Likewise, I believed that eventually there would be a way to justice.

My identity of teacher and mother were my salvation. Whether resolving conflict at recess or reading a bedtime story to my daughter, I shut off the case and entered the present moment. Over eighteen years, I transformed and manifested another identity, that of sleuth, or more descriptively as one witness nicknamed me, "hunter." The transformation was ugly. Eventually, like Jumping Mouse, I accepted how I changed and learned to fly.

Before I speak to where I have arrived, I must provide the context of how and why I got here. My hope is that by recalling this journey and what I learned, it will be helpful to those catapulted into the aftermath of a homicide and/or the absence of justice.

Traumatic Bereavement

Traumatic bereavement is a singular journey that is benefited by the company of others. Some might find healing in support groups, others with individual counseling or with a trusted friend. Still others will turn to short or long-term use of psychiatric medicine, or find support in a religious community, or maybe even a community not related to bereavement at all, but where one feels seen and heard. Likewise, one approach for support may begin to fade in its effectiveness and necessitate a replacement. Traumatic bereavement needs a healthy container where it can be addressed, nurtured, expressed and honored. However, one size does not fit all.

This is the reason behind this section. My hope is that it offers enough options of support for bereavement after homicide that no one has to feel alone. It takes more than one root to support a soul.

Traumatic Bereavement Articles

Traumatic Grief Therapy

Traumatic Grief

Prolonged Grief

Grief Disorders and PTSD

Complicated Grief

Homicide Survivors

Grief and Loss Organizations & Education