Writing - A Pathway to Peace

When The First 48’s filming of my brother’s (William F. Fenzau) homicide investigation resulted in a botched case and all charges dropped on the suspect, I became the driving force behind the continued investigation by the City of Miami Police and the Miami-Dade State Attorney’s Office.  I jumped between the roles of mother, teacher and sleuth.  My life depended upon getting the case to trial until my life depended upon finding a way to live in peace.

In the retelling of the Native American Legend, The Story of Jumping Mouse, by John Steptoe, a young mouse faces an onslaught of obstacles, sacrifices parts of himself to others, and laments that he is not the same mouse from when his journey began.   As I pursued the investigation into my brother's murder, I was comforted while reading this book to kindergarteners at snack time. Each time Jumping Mouse lost another part of himself, he found courage by repeating the phrase, "there will be a way." Likewise, I  believed that eventually there would be a way to justice.

My identity of teacher and mother were my salvation. Whether resolving conflict at recess or reading a bedtime story to my daughter, I shut off the case and entered the present moment.  Over the years, I  transformed and manifested another identity, that of sleuth, or more descriptively, as one witness nicknamed me, "Hunter."  The transformation was ugly.  Eventually, like Jumping Mouse, I accepted how I changed and learned to fly. 

Before I speak to where I have arrived, I must  provide the context of how and why I got here.  My hope is that by recalling this journey and what I  learned, it will be helpful to those catapulted into the aftermath of a homicide and/or the absence of justice.